Q: My son's therapist has spoken to us about "vicarious trauma" and suggested my husband and I need to seek out better ways to take care of ourselves so we can be more present for our son. Do you have any suggestions?

A: Raising and working with children and youth who have experienced traumas and live with the effects of traumatic stress can be really challenging. The constant exposure to strong behaviors and emotions can trigger trauma responses in parents and caregivers themselves.



'Vicarious trauma' can be defined as an occupational challenge for people working and volunteering in human services and emergency response fields, due to their continuous exposure to victims of trauma and violence. While individuals respond to vicarious trauma in a number of ways, a change in their world-view is considered inevitable—people can either become more cynical or fearful, or they can become more appreciative of what they have, or both (US Office for Victims of Crime). At its worst, exposure to others' traumas can result in negative vicarious traumatization for the individual.

Parents and caregivers can learn to recognize their own 'compassion fatique' and use strategies to address its effects, so they can continue to offer the best trauma-responsive parenting possible.
 
One example of a tool to support parents and caregivers in managing their own stress is Taking Care of Yourself, a self care checklist from the National Child Traumatic Stress Network. NCTSN offers three aspects of self care:
- Awareness: slow down and focus inward to determine how you are feeling, your stress level, the types of thoughts you have and whether your behaviors and actions are consistent with the person you seek to be.
- Balance: seek balance in all areas of  life including work, personal and family life, rest, and leisure. Become aware of when you are losing balance in your life and take the opportunity to change.
- Connection: build connections and supportive relationships with your co-workers, students, friends, family, and community. Social connection can play a major role in stress reduction.

FFF has a comprehensive webpage linking to trauma resources for families and professionals. One resource Parenting After Trauma: Understanding Your Child's Needs, A Guide for Foster and Adoptive Parents offers very practical information and suggestions for responding to trauma-related behaviors and emotions.